A Start

I have been wanting to do this. It is either courage or time that always puts a halt to my intention. The truth it is more of the former. I was scared.

I was at a neighbour's place. Got to know a few new faces. You see, HB once highlighted how I don't mix around in the neighbourhood. Only selected ones.

He hits the bull's eye. I can't really blend in when I have to do the "kak ni" thing & "kak tu" thing. Don't get me wrong... I am just uncomfortable when I have to be extra demure & proper. Not able to show off my prominent vocalized laugh & speak with extra pitch ;-)

The kakak-kakak I met were really nice. Oh yes! I was proper!! Only smiling... not laughing hysterically. I even noticed this one kakak who seemed to adore my modesty. Hehehe! (Errr... Shahid Shueb if you happen to read this I know exactly what crosses your mind at this very instant - Hypocrite!) I was blending in OK...!

Perhaps I passed their requirements or probably they were totally sincere... (of course I go for the latter!) I was invited to join them for their weekly class every Wednesday. It was a Tajwid class.

For my non-Muslim friends, Tajwid means elocution. When you read the Holy Qur'an it should be recited in a proper pronunciation & speed. It is required for every Muslim to know how to read the Qur'an but not many are able to recite in proper manner.

Yes, I can read but my recitation is far from good. I hardly have a former class in tajwid. My dad taught me to read the Qur'an but at that very young age I didn't really take the simple tajwid seriously. I learned tajwid in primary school but whenever the Ustaz asked me , I had an A student in tajwid next to me who provided all the correct answers (we were seated at the end of the row).

I have long wanting to enroll such class. The only place I knew available was at my girls' mengaji centre. What deterred me was that the Ustazs. Yes, only Ustazs available not Ustazahs. I prefer a female ;-)

Hence, the offer was really inviting. What more when I found out that the Ustazah was someone I knew. Another neighbour whom I address as Makcik... but I've known her for quite some time so being proper with her is nothing alien ;-)

I told HB yesterday morning before he left for work. He encouraged me to go. The only excuse I had for not going was fasting. Yes, I fasted yesterday. 3pm would be too hot for me besides the mosque won't be air-conditioned. Obviously, something with tail & red horns were trying to tempt me!

Right after my parents (they dropped by for lunch) sent off Yasmin & Balqis for mengaji, I went up to my room & got ready. Everything was so smooth for me. The baju kurung I planned to wear was hung nicely & I had a matching tudung ready. No matter how many times I misplaced my favourite brooch, it was there staring back at me on the dressing table. Even my lightest shade of lipstick I managed to search in a blink of eye!

So off I went to the mosque. There was nobody! I was a couple of minutes early though. Decided to give the kakak who invited me a call & she confirmed the time & place. As I was entering the premise, a group of ladies emerged. They threw a smile & greeted me with salam.

I really felt at home even though it was my first time. Love Makcik's (or should I address her Ustazah now..?) approach. I expected we would be learning the theory of tajwid instead, she pointed out the tajwid as we recited. I am so looking forward for the next lesson next Wednesday.

PS - this post was written last week but I didn't have the chance to edit & publish. Class today was interesting as I got to hear other senior students recited. They were good & hopefully insyaAllah, I will be as good as them or not better. Slowly but surely :-)

HB is 36

It's July the 16th, HB's birthday. He turns 36 today. The plan was to have an early morning date with the birthday boy. Made a booking for us to play badminton together instead he was called up for duty. Hah! Hated it when my plan needed a reschedule. But with him away, it would be easier to plan for a small party of our own.

I don't know about you but whenever there is an occasion to be celebrated, I always make a fuss over things merely to make the girls excited. I doubt at 36 HB wants a special occasion. He has had enough. (Errr... baby if you read this, I still want my gifts on my birthdays ;-))

There is this new bakery shop at my place. I thought of giving it a try. The truth, I kinda bored with SR cakes. At first my intention going to the bakery shop was to get cooking chocolate & decorate a cake myself (well... was checking my luck). Of course, it was not sold.

Today, I paid the shop a visit again. This time with Wardah & Balqis. Managed to sneak from Nadeen for definitely if she knew about the cake, she would want to have the feast right away ;-) Once I entered, I straight headed to the sponge cakes with butter icing. HB loves sponge cakes. To remind him of his childhood I opted for butter icing. If only they had the same deco with ground nuts decorated at the edge. Remember those days?

What I saw in front of me were the very same cakes I saw 2 days back.

I spontaneously said " Alaaa.. ini kek hari tu kan?"

The salesperson without guilt replied , "Kek yang baru, deco saja sama..."

I started to get annoyed. One thing which doesn't age in me is my memory!

I accused her of lying, "Jangan nak tipu saya!"

She still holding the same irritating look answered, "Dah 2, 3 hari tapi masih boleh makan..."

I began to be bitchy, "Soalan senang aja... Kek ni baru atau lama. Susah ke nak jawap?"

She wore a different look now which made me felt guilty. That's my weakness... Duh! But she gave me the answer I wanted.

"Lama"

I knew the cake was edible but I hated it when she lied. Still I purchased as agreed by Wardah & Balqis.

HB came home somewhere around 3pm. Only Nadeen was home. As he was about to retire Balqis came home from mengaji. As if like a ritual, she headed straight to search for us. I already told the girls to act that we have forgotten HB's birthday. So Balqis was playing her role. Now here's their conversation. How Balqis was trying her best to cover up & HB was taking advantage of her vulnerability.

HB : Balqis tak wish papa pun lagi.

Balqis : Wish? Wish apa?

HB : Oooo... tak ingat birthday papa ye?

Balqis : Hari ni birthday papa? (with a look which I wanted to burst out)

Now Balqis was already on the bed with HB.

HB : Balqiiisss.... Mana kek papa?

Balqis : Tak beli kek pun... ( right in front of her dad, she gave this cheeky wink at me)

HB : Cakaplah dekat mana Balqis hide the cake.

Balqis : Mmmmm... dekat fridge bawah (leaped to whisper at me that she tricked papa coz the cake was in the fridge upstairs)

HB : Betul lah ada kek. Balqis tipu ye... Kan papa ajar tak boleh tipu. Nanti masuk api neraka.

Balqis : OKlah. OKlah. Dekat fridge atas.

HB : What shape is the cake?

Balqis : Round

HB : What colour?

Balqis : Orange

HB : Bila Balqis keluar beli?

Balqis : Mmmm... Wednesday

HB : Tipu lagi ke?

Balqis : Yelah. Yelah. Today!

HB : Beli dekat JJ ke SR?

At this point she came to whisper at me. She didn't know the name of the new bakery show.

Balqis : Mama, apa nama kedai tu. Balqis tak bagitau papa...

Hahahaha. How cute... She tried her best to keep the secret though.

We had a small celebration after Wardah came home from school in the evening. There was another drama though. Nadeen claimed the cake was hers. While we were singing to HB at the verse "Happy birthday to papa...", she shouted "Nadeen! No papa!" So we had to sing the song & added "Nadeen" instead of "Papa".

Went out for dinner & on our way in the car, I asked the girls where they wanted to eat. Yasmin asked her dad to choose since it was his birthday. An instant answer we got was from Nadeen..

"Birthday Nadeen! Bukan birthday papa!"

Panic

Nadeen is now 2 & a half years old. It feels just like yesterday I last posted on her milestone. She was the only one of my 4 girls whom I have the chance to update her monthly progress online from the day she was born until she started walking.

Nadeen

Last fortnight I took Nadeen for her vaccination. As warned by her paed, the jab would cause a fever. Since I have enough PCM syrup at home & it was not her first immunization, I took it lightly.

At home, I straight gave her the required dose needed. She loves the flavour of this one particular PCM syrup. I simply need to pass the syringe to her & she would inject it into her mouth willingly.

The next day she woke up happy. I guessed the PCM worked & I stopped the next dosage. At 30 months she is smart for her age. Having 3 elder sisters is definitely an advantage. Would a toddler that age hum to Demi Lovato songs? :-) She is even picky with what she wears now. Prefers dresses to anything... but not any dress suits her. It must have a wide flare so that she can twirl ;-) In her language, the dress which she can lalalaaaaa.... The apple of our eyes indeed!

That night as I was putting her to bed I felt her body temperature differed. A bit warmer than usual. My mistake for ignoring... At 2am, I woke up & checked on my baby. Yes, she had a temperature! I woke her up (at the wee hour I forgot about the suppository safely confined in the fridge) & gave her the syrup. She didn't complain, in fact continued sleeping.

In the morning, her temperature was back to normal. But I continued with medication since she was not as active as before. She slept again somewhere at 9am & while sleeping her temperature rose. I toweled her & she started to cry. I wanted to give another dosage but it was less than 4 hours from her last. Monitored her as she went back to sleep.

It was a hot day that day & Nadeen's temperature was going up & down & up again. Her 4 hourly dosage I never missed.In the afternoon, I sneaked to send Yasmin & Balqis for mengaji. It didn't work. Nadeen even with a high temperature could sense it. She cried out for me.

I didn't have the heart to leave her. I thought it was OK to bring her along since the car was air-conditioned. After all the drive was less than 10minutes... It could have been the most foolish thing I did. Why didn't I just tell the elder girls to skip mengaji that day?

Back from sending the elder girls, Nadeen was still with a high temperature. I continued toweling her. She cried out when I toweled her neck but the moment the damp towel reached her armpit, her eyes opened abruptly , pupils looked dilated & both were facing upwards.

It was a fit! Her body cramped. I got panic. I hugged her but it was like hugging a log. She didn't respond to me. I started to shiver. Called out for my helper. She took Nadeen & rushed her to the bathroom. I was helpless!

Good thing Wari (my helper) was sensible. I heard water splashing, I saw & heard she calling out Nadeen's name but I was only watching! Couldn't compute to what was happening! As if like I was having muscle spasm as well. Suddenly, I heard Wari no longer calling out for Nadeen. I heard her loud & clear.. "Ibu!! Panggil bapak!!"

I rushed upstairs. I totally forgot about HB. He was asleep. Just got home that morning after an all night long flight to Hydrebad. Guessed I conveyed the message right because HB stormed out of the bedroom. The moment he took Nadeen, her mouth was foaming.

I couldn't bear looking at my baby like that. In shivers, I grabbed the car key & started the engine. HB passed Nadeen to me & was shirtless entering the car . Wari, our hero that day appeared with HB's T-shirt in her hand.

In the car, Nadeen was conscious. She was calling out "Mamaaa.." but her eyes were still looking up. I prayed silently but was surprised that I didn't even drop a tear. The shivers had not gone though.

We decided to take her to a nearby clinic first. I was glad that the usual doctor whom we normally consult was on duty. I rushed in & requested to see the doctor immediately. The doctor was calm & managed to convince me that things were under control. She advised us to monitor Nadeen for another 24hours & if another fit occurred straight away bring her to the hospital.

I expected that night her fever would rise again. I was wrong. She slept all night long & every 4 hours I inserted a suppository through her rectum. The next day she was not eating. As expected, I found mouth ulcers near her throat. Took her to see the doctor again & this time she was prescribed with antibiotic besides the oral aid to sooth her ulcers. Two days after that, she was back at her normal appetite and continued twirling & spinning in her favourite dress.

It was my first. None of my other girls ever experienced such attack before. I am ashamed for being panic. As her mom I should have been in control but Alhamdulillah Nadeen is well. Love you Nadeen!